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Monday
Oct172011

Jim Schwartz is an Asshole

If I learned anything in 32 years of law enforcement, it’s how to spot an asshole (on both sides of the law) quickly and accurately.  I can tell you with 100% certainty that Detroit Lions head coach Jim Schwartz is an asshole.

Schwartz is an over-the-top coach who screams at officials and taunts other team’s players during games.  I’m an above average lip reader.  Schwartz likes to scream across the field at opposing players and coaches.
Schwartz dog cussed more than one Dallas Cowboys player when the teams met earlier this month.

So it was amusing to hear Schwartz talk about proper “protocol” for handshakes as if he were Mr. Manners. Though neither of the coaches said so in their post-game press conference, the brewing discontent may actually have started much earlier, during a strange first quarter incident in which Harbaugh tried to challenge a touchdown he wasn’t allowed to challenge.

Schwartz begins and ends most of his in game comments, directed at the opposing players and coaches with “MotherFucker”.

In case you missed it, moments after the San Fransisco/Detroit NFL game ended Sunday, 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh, riding adrenaline, touched off the main event: Harbaugh vs. Detroit head coach Jim Schwartz.

After the Niners rallied for a 25-19 victory over previously unbeaten Detroit, a wild-eyed Harbaugh pulled a “Schwartz” and  began an emotional victory dance, untucking his black sweatshirt, attempting a chest bump with offensive tackle Alex Boone. He then followed the Schwartz post game ritual by thrusting both fists in the air and whooping to beat the band.  Harbaugh then greeted Schwartz near midfield with an aggressive handshake that was followed with a pat on Schwartz’s back.

Harbaugh, who barely looked at Schwartz during the brief meeting, began jogging away. An irate Schwartz ran after Harbaugh and bumped into him from the side. Schwartz had to be restrained by team personnel as several players from both teams began pushing each other near the locker-room tunnel.

Schwartz decided to interpret Harbaugh’s back slap as a shove. Schwartz was also put off by Harbaugh using HIS favorite word during their greeting. “I went to congratulate coach Harbaugh and got shoved out of the way,” Schwartz said. “I didn’t expect an obscenity at that point, so it was a surprise to me at the end of the game.”

For the record, Jim Harbaugh’s an asshole too. But Harbaugh was just being Schwartz.

Oh well. Can’t wait for the rematch, hopefully in the playoffs at the end of this season.

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